Melbourne Polytechnic is like a BIG school house where grown-up people go when they wanna learn how to do big people jobs. But the school is not scary—no no, it is like a giant playground where you get to touch tools and plants and computers and all the stuff grown-ups say “DON’T TOUCH THAT!”

They have soooo many school buildings everywhere. Like, if you walk in Melbourne and sneeze, BOOM, you probably sneezed on a Melbourne Polytechnic campus. They are in places like Preston and Collingwood and Epping and other names I forget but they are there, trust me.

The school teaches ALL the things. You like cooking? They teach that. You like hairs? They teach hair stuff. You like building things so tall you bonk your head? Yep, they teach building. You like animals? They got that too. You like computers? They have computers that go beep-boop-bop.

And they have something called Free TAFE, which is like “you can learn for FREE, yay!” but only if you meet grown-up rules that kids don’t need to know about because it’s boring.

The teachers are super smart because they actually did the jobs before. Like the cooking teacher made real food, not fake food like Play-Doh. And the building teacher built real buildings, not pillow forts. And the animal teacher worked with REAL animals, not stuffed toys (but stuffed toys are cuter).

The school has been here for SO MANY YEARS. Like since your great-great-great grandma was a baby (maybe not that many). They been teaching people how to adult for over 100 years.

So Melbourne Polytechnic is basically:
A giant big-people kindergarten where you learn how to get a job by touching stuff, doing stuff, breaking stuff (maybe), and becoming super duper clever.